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| A few months ago a patient gave me this note.
"I just wanted to drop you a note to tell you thanks for everything you have done with and for me. You truly are a great person! I look up to you and want to be as happy and successful as you. You make me want to live and do better and make something out of my life. You are very nice and kind. Thanks for all the great advice and talks. I wish you the best in everything in your life. Thanks again for everything."
Working with people with mental illness has to be the most interesting job that I have had. It seems that all the fields of work has trained me for this particular job. I've learned how to listen but not give to much attention. I've learned to filter out diarrhea of the mouth and apply it towards treatment. I've learned to care on a professional level, I've learned to say "no" and really mean it and mostly I've developed the ability to seek out those who really want help. Manipulation is a stink I can smell. I love to peel back layers of a persons mind, it can take months of talking on a daily basis but I love it. Talking about their life and illness and trying to make an image of something that has been shattered. It helps me in my life piece things back together, and prepares me for things to come.
As common as this sounds, mental illness does stem from abuse, drug addiction and physical trauma. You can look in the eyes of the lost and almost see discomfort. Their body language screams for help but their mouths stay shut. How can I help you if you don't ask for it? Everyone has a breaking point and will extend a hand for help. All these patients I take care of are admitted by another facility. We are the top of the hill. No more places to go. Jails and prisons send us those who they cannot handle. Out source programs give us patients they cannot treat. My job is to protect the healthcare workers and keep the facility safe from harm. I love my job. I love to see a person change. Even if its for a short time. I am the eyes and ears of the doctor.
Just like the words the patient wrote for me struck a chord of "I'm glad someone is listening." Words are stronger than one can think. Remember when you are out in the community say hi to someone. Assist where you can. It's like giving a high five to everyone. It will touch some ones heart and make their day.
My job rewards me.
-Endien | | |
| My shift started out with the usual routine. Sixteen hundred hours, Monday afternoon. Just like every other Monday afternoon. I sat on a chair over looking the unit - hearing the noise of the television quietly speaking out to ears that hear more than one voice. Watching individuals look far beyond the walls that hold them in. Focusing on lips that move speaking to unseen others and watching those who lost their freedom because they are lost mentally. I hear the beep over the intercom. Unusual. No one was making an announcement at the desk. What was the hospital announcing? A message of an activity held that night? A test to see what units would respond to a mock code? The message proceeded. “Attention, attention, there is a Code Blue in the kitchen of the Harmon Building.” Immediately my senses focused on the repeating message. There was no “mock” before code blue!
I immediately jumped out of my chair. Everything was in slow motion, each step in control. I ran across the room to the supply room putting my key in and opening the door, grabbing the emergency cart. I shut the door behind me and started running down the hall, our unit nurse right behind me.
After the doors locked behind me I ran towards the call for help. Each step brought me closer and closer. The SSRN waved me down and pointed me in the direction towards the emergency. I ran through a corridor, which led me through a maze of hallways. I was blind - only the screaming led me closer to where help was needed. A small hallway was ahead of me. People were pointing. This was it. The only moment that night I felt my senses lose control. I ran around the corner and entered a staff bathroom.
Slow motion over. Reality up to speed. The timer started. The leader in me, out.
I entered the room as one of the first responders with an emergency cart. A young man was on the floor, unconscious. CPR was being preformed. In the mist of fear, our nurse asked “Did anyone call 9-1-1?” No one responded. I was in shock. Immediately I called 9-1-1, sending out the S-0-S call for help to the hospital. I was on the phone with the dispatcher relaying information of what I was seeing.
“Is he breathing?”
“No.”
“Does he have a pulse?”
“No.”
“Is he talking?”
“No!”
I then handed off the phone to the nurse who had a better idea medically of what was going on. I was in the stall over looking this person, whose life was in our hands. CPR was still being performed. There was no time to lose. Without thought I jumped in and assisted with the CPR. I tilted his head back, opening a better air way.
His lips were blue. His skin was still warm. His eyes were brown.
They were brown.
His eyes looked up into mine but there was no life in them. His voice couldn’t tell me anymore than I knew, but there was pain in his eyes. He was dead because he chose to end his life by suicide. The bruise around his neck showed the way he chose to leave this life.
17-18-19-Breathe.
This continued over and over till the EMTs arrived. The panic was calm because we all knew. He was dead. We secured his neck and pushed the body from out of the stall to an open area so more work could be done. I stood back and held the exit door open. I watched staff as they began to trickle out. The stress of that moment started to hit the people that were involved. One of those who were involved passed out from the stress.
Why did he do this? Why at work? What about his family?
Suicide is not the answer. It never will be.
You will have pain. You must pick yourself up. No one else can. I have an ear, as well as you. Listen. I have a mouth as you do, Talk. Your heart needs love, receive.
Don’t burry yourself.
If you need help find it.
I held a dead body in my hands and I did everything possible to keep it alive. Talk about being helpless. Life is fragile. So live it good.
Rest in peace.
-Endien
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| My wife jodi and I get home from a late night (scary?) movie. We watched T.V. then got ready for bed. Nothing out of the ordinary. I heard the shower going and I popped my head in and said "Make some room!" all of a sudden my ears go from nice and lovely to fuzzy and bleeding from the loudest scream of terror I've ever heard!
Jodi threw open the shower curtains and I reassured that I wasn't some big bulky brown guy trying to get control of her in the shower. After finally calming her down she told me that she thought the 'voice' came from the bathroom window. Even though we are on the second level AND it was on completely on accident I am still getting a few hits to the ribs because of my 'scary' voice.
Ah, the married life. I love it.
-Endien
Hopefully I can keep this blog up. | | |
| Today is awesome! Today, I have been married for 1 month. I have not talked or updated my blog in along time. My wife has been a reader for a long time and has asked me over and over when I was going to update my blog. So here is my effort. I have a lot to talk about. Photos to posts and different funny stories about being married that I do. One things, I guess I talk in my sleep! Ha, I have been told that before and on a few occasions I woke myself up laughing.
I thought it would be fun to record myself sleeping. Every night before I go to bed I turn on my voice recorder. It only records when it senses sound. So every morning I wake up before work and I listen to what I say. Haha, there seems to be about 10-15 minutes of record time. I will be making a compilation of what I say so that you guys can hear it. It makes me laugh.
Anyways. This will be the start of many more new posts.
-Endien | | |
| I'm getting married in 10 days! If you want to come to our reception, let me know!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!!
-Endien | | |
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